21st birthday

I'm sorry but I'm not a happy birthday girl. 

I felt like losing people that I care about...~

Cause..I'm not expecting a lot from other people but my two best friend, or let me rephrase, two people that I thought they were my best friends.The two people that I treasure the most throughout these two years.I have no courage to say this out loud but you know who you are..and I'm sorry for writing it here.

To : Kamu.

I miss u a lot, honestly. I don't even know why we stop talking to each other...why we stop texting...Honestly,I'm not even trying to find the reason why cause I know truth might hurt. And I hate being hurt, so, ignoring you might be the best solution, since I hate complication and confusion...In short, I just hate drama.......but you know..I still care about you, I love you (not in a romantic kind of way, but as a friend, seriously...) I'm still keeping you birthday present and I promised myself to at least post it to you before September. I know you're happy now and I'm happy for you too. You know~ when, I woke up today, I was secretly hoping to receive a birthday text from you.... ;_________; *sigh* Anyway, I'm still grateful for your existence in my life, even just for awhile...arigatou ne~ for every single memories.....I love you.

To: you.

I know I'm always keeping a distance from our friends in the past,even with friends that I really care about...cause I'm too ashamed of my self....too ashamed of what I've done in the past and I am determined to change...but no matter how far I go..how I avoid others... I could never ignore you..cause out of so many people from my past, you're the only one that I'm still keeping in touch. I acknowledge you as my best friend, I might not be able to show it to you, but you do..mean the world to me. I love you as much as I love my sister. It may sounds stupid but sometimes, I got jealous when you mention someone else as your best buddy...it makes me wonder who am I to you. I'm waiting for your midnight call...I didn't expect anyone but you to actually remember it first. But I guess, you didn't...my phone didn't ring...It broke my heart.Few messages came later but none of it was from you. May be................. I didn't mean anything to you anymore.

Right now, I miss hanging out with Fyon, Ann, Erine and Es a lot..our friendship was somehow... dysfunctional...haha..like seriously, we were sometimes awkward around each other, we have secrets and sometimes, not being totally honest about our feelings...there's time when we hurt and lied to each other.. but in the end of the day, when we were together.. everything seems fine..I was really happy having them around. Honestly, there's still a hell loads of thing that I believe we didn't share with each other..but that's totally fine with me. I love this casual friendship that we had. Spending almost two years with them was the best experience ever! It's like there's only four of us (exclude,Erine) , in our little world, ignoring the real world...just being lazy.. procrastinating...laughing...hating college life...wanting a perfect boyfriend...but the only two things that we care most was eating and money. HAHA. I miss those girls so damn much! 

Oh, I just realized this post had nothing to with my birthday.meh, who cares anyway~ i wrote it on my birthday, that's for sure.huhu :D