about leaving

Flight to KL - Monday, Sept 12

Flight to LAX- Wednesday, Sept 14

(note: gif(s) are not mine!)

Have I started packing?

Am I ready for this?

My feeling right now...

its complicated~

I don't know guys~ I'm feeling numb right now..neither sad nor happy~ I DON'T KNOW OWKEY!*sigh*

Mom: I guess you can meet Justin FEVER now?

Farah : its Justin BIEBER mom..and its not like kakak is into him~

Me : I would be in heaven right now if I'm going to Japan (instead of Cali).

LOL.funny that mom thought I'm gonna be excited, having a chance to meet Justin Bieber..I mean, what makes her think so? The only reason I'm watching E! was to keeping up with the Kardashians.heeeee XD Love the show btw!

my writing skill is getting rusty ;___; will improve next time..BYE!!

i can't gather my thoughts

it's everywhere...

not mine,from tumblr

There's this.. trains of thought in my head. 
I wanted to pour it down..but believe me, it doesn't have a proper flow
just fragments and unjoined up thoughts on this and that.


future.
is still very unpredictable and it's scaring me..
I know exactly what I want..where I wanna be..
but that's the thing about life
everything wasn't easy
I can dream all I want 
but achieving the dream..is another story.


marriage.
I went to a wedding ceremony and I met my childhood friend, Fatimah.
we used to go to school together.
and now, when I'm still in a journey of realizing my dreams
and not to mention, single forever alone..
she's on the other hand, had settle down her life
she's married, pregnant at the age of 21 and looking plump!
oh god. she used to be so thin, thinner than I am.
how can she be so sure that being someone wedded wife is what she want in life?
will she ever regret her decision?


sound of silence.
in my village.
I love when I woke up in the middle of the night
there's almost no sound of anything.
silence that doesn't make me feel alone
silence that make me feel calmer.
I wish I could stayed a lil bit longer in my village
cause now, I'm craving for those sounds of silence


friends.
friends that changed.
friends that stay.
friends from my past.
friends from my present
friends that makes me smile.
friends that makes me cry.
friends that love me.
friends that break me.
I still remember every single one of them.


Told ya. I'm a mess right now..
riding a roller coaster of emotion..
hmmmmm..or prolly cause I'm PMS-ing
Anyway, I'm gonna gather my thoughts & recover soon!

bashing cause I can!

writing in bhsa srwk.... cause I can! huh!


Aku tok mun mok padah minat AF, xdala minat gilak..semadi jak ada kt rumah time tok and semadi jak xda benda lain mok ditangga kat TV ya, jd nangga jak lah AF tekkkkk... 
Frankly speaking, tahun tok pun AF nang X BEST, nang one of the worst season after AF4 (kata mak aku)
cause aku sbnrnya xdala nangga AF tiap tahun, stakat nangga concert final dahlaaa..
xkedak mak aku tek,avid AF fan la kata kan(walaupun x pnh mngundi).. HAHAHA!/praying mom would never find my blog


Frankly speaking agik, aku xpenah2 mok nangga Diari AF tiap malam..
tapi disebabkan last concert, they announced ada penguguran and they introduced 4 new students
I kinda like that Fir dude, nya miak srwk bah, aku kan forever bias when it come to srwkian.
more like forever bias towards lelaki berkulit puteh and bermuka handsome. hehehehe..
so,yeah.I'm watching because of him.. :)


tp malam tok pun episode, serius ku bencikkkkk glak ngn si korean wannabe ngan miak nama Kay ya!
si Fir tek datangla ke glass house cdak, I don't think he came cause he wanted to, 
mestilah nya datang sbb production astro yang nyuruh nya datang, xkan la suka2 jak nak..
then, si Erul yaa nang jaik la mulut nya koh, madah no way la si Fir ya dapat masuk AF..bla..bla..bla.Nang arrogant mok mati jak!


si KAY ya sama jwk, bkn main gik nganok org sesuka hati nya! 
Yaaaaahhh~ sa kacak la tokrang tek??sa pndei glak la blagu?
terutamanya kau ya KAY, dah tiga concert dah, aku nangga ,agik juak kau blagu kelaut! heh!
and you, korean wannabe? padah jak la ko ya jeles nangga si Fir, sebab nya 10000000x agik kacak dr kau..
you know what mun lah si Fir ya mdah nya minat KPOP,
I'll go..."aieee,menakah? samalah kta,kmk pun minat KPOP juak..hehehehe~"/smiling
tapi bila kau yang madah ko minat KPOP during Tirai AF,I'm like, "hmmmmmm~knk ka kau minat kpop?bena ndak ka kau ya~" /*insert muka menyampah here*


and Aida pun tek,alu laaaaaaa polah muka tym si Fir masuk..
eiiiiiii~ mpuan yaaaa, kdk la bgs glk, myakitkan telinga aku jk dgr kau blagu sumbang yknow~ aku ngn mak aku dr konsert tirai gk dah x suka ngan kau
dah la kurus,kdk chopstick jak..mun laaaa kau ya humble sikit,xda ku mok anok2 kau aie,
tedah ku nangga body kau ya kurus glak,sa ku mok donate jak lemak aku g kau..
if u can't sing,why don't just accept your weakness and humble yourself, jd xdala kau ya nampak jaik glak dmata akuu..owkeyyy?

*Neen kicks*
expressing my anger

Anyway, can't wait to see who flop on this weekend concert. I hope it's not you Kay or Aida...or you, mr kpop wannabe..all the best!! toodles~

sorry this post look messy

my thoughts & prayers are with people in Japan

I swear I was there the whole evening...on tumblr getting live updates..back and forth to twitter..it was frightening. Some pictures of situation in Japan can be found HERE . Just clicks and scrolls down and you'll see why I'm freaking out. I believe, natural disaster in Japan will affect us, the citizen of the world, in one way or the other. Seeing the live broadcast makes me feel helpless as a human, its like we can see its happening right in front of our eyes but there's nothing we could do...People are dying...powerful and destructive waves were hitting Japan..and we were all witnessing it happened on TV...no one.no one could stop the enraging waves nor do anything about it...which occurs to me that one can't never go against nature. Allah has the power and control over every single thing that happen on Earth. (now took some time to reflect) 

On the other hand, (i wonder if saying this will makes me look bad..well, you be the judge) I think Japan is a very capable in handling natural disaster, it could've been worst if poor country is being hit by tsunami. Not that I'm saying Japan deserved this but you know..you can't ignored the fact that Japan is build well structured to make it safer..I personally believe, good engineering will lessen the victims. From : (people who actually live in Japan)

This is why I always told myself and my sister (if she's ever listening)... I wanna be a smart and intelligent girl so that I can be rich someday.lol  so that I can contribute something back to our society someday. (KYAAAAAAAHHH~ can't believe I've said that! :P ) but seriously, after what happen in Japan, I realized how important it is to be well equipped with knowledge cause you never know whats gonna happen, but you can at least be prepared. So girls, don't you think you should care more about your brain than your make up? 

Give it some thought owkeyyyy? 

In the mean time #prayforjapan

P/S : Thought I'd give it a shot of writing a serious post but *sigh* do I sound serious to you? cause I am really serious while writing this down.

21st birthday

I'm sorry but I'm not a happy birthday girl. 

I felt like losing people that I care about...~

Cause..I'm not expecting a lot from other people but my two best friend, or let me rephrase, two people that I thought they were my best friends.The two people that I treasure the most throughout these two years.I have no courage to say this out loud but you know who you are..and I'm sorry for writing it here.

To : Kamu.

I miss u a lot, honestly. I don't even know why we stop talking to each other...why we stop texting...Honestly,I'm not even trying to find the reason why cause I know truth might hurt. And I hate being hurt, so, ignoring you might be the best solution, since I hate complication and confusion...In short, I just hate drama.......but you know..I still care about you, I love you (not in a romantic kind of way, but as a friend, seriously...) I'm still keeping you birthday present and I promised myself to at least post it to you before September. I know you're happy now and I'm happy for you too. You know~ when, I woke up today, I was secretly hoping to receive a birthday text from you.... ;_________; *sigh* Anyway, I'm still grateful for your existence in my life, even just for awhile...arigatou ne~ for every single memories.....I love you.

To: you.

I know I'm always keeping a distance from our friends in the past,even with friends that I really care about...cause I'm too ashamed of my self....too ashamed of what I've done in the past and I am determined to change...but no matter how far I go..how I avoid others... I could never ignore you..cause out of so many people from my past, you're the only one that I'm still keeping in touch. I acknowledge you as my best friend, I might not be able to show it to you, but you do..mean the world to me. I love you as much as I love my sister. It may sounds stupid but sometimes, I got jealous when you mention someone else as your best buddy...it makes me wonder who am I to you. I'm waiting for your midnight call...I didn't expect anyone but you to actually remember it first. But I guess, you didn't...my phone didn't ring...It broke my heart.Few messages came later but none of it was from you. May be................. I didn't mean anything to you anymore.

Right now, I miss hanging out with Fyon, Ann, Erine and Es a lot..our friendship was somehow... dysfunctional...haha..like seriously, we were sometimes awkward around each other, we have secrets and sometimes, not being totally honest about our feelings...there's time when we hurt and lied to each other.. but in the end of the day, when we were together.. everything seems fine..I was really happy having them around. Honestly, there's still a hell loads of thing that I believe we didn't share with each other..but that's totally fine with me. I love this casual friendship that we had. Spending almost two years with them was the best experience ever! It's like there's only four of us (exclude,Erine) , in our little world, ignoring the real world...just being lazy.. procrastinating...laughing...hating college life...wanting a perfect boyfriend...but the only two things that we care most was eating and money. HAHA. I miss those girls so damn much! 

Oh, I just realized this post had nothing to with my birthday.meh, who cares anyway~ i wrote it on my birthday, that's for sure.huhu :D

and so, the battle finally begin......?

AKB48 VS ARASHI ? man, this is getting ridiculous. Like seriously~

So what if AKB48 outsell Arashi's record for single? So what? I'm not a hater, I love AKB48 girls, but I'm just happen to love Arashi more. And now, adding to the list, AKB48 show gets a golden time slot on the same time,same day as VS Arashi. *sigh* now what? Rating battle? Will AKB48 get to perform at Kokuritsu too this year? 

Frankly, I don't want Arashi reign to end this soon. Kokuritsu is their pride, I hope Arashi still get to perform at Kokuritsu this year. 

I treasure this five rainbow boys so much... ganbatte ne, Arashi ! :)

kore kara mo, zutto..daisuki desu! <3

Yo!

This post is made especially to stalker bitches..who's been stalking me here. Domo! ^__^  (and yeah, you know exactly who you are, and if you are to read this and felt butthurt (so you are stalking viewing my blog. I gotcha! and FYI, I didn't post my blog link at anywhere else, so I'm pretty sure this blog is not public deshou? I don't mind close friends knowing my blog, what I mean here is the uninvited people with intention of stalking).....Anyway, feel free to be butthurt cause I ain't gonna take responsibility owwwwwkay? Reading people's blog at your goddamn risk, remember? :)

Firstly, stop judging if you know nothing, please! Please don't assume anything,...what you thought may not be what I'm referring to...so,  if curiosity killed you, just comment on my post and I'll gladly reply. You know, things gonna get ugly if you start rumors about things that I didn't do. Unlike Jay Park who said : as long as I'm clear with God, family and friends..I'm gonna be fine... I'M NOT HIM ... SO, I'M NOT FINE WITH PEOPLE SPREADING FALSE RUMORS OR TALK BAD BEHIND MY BACK. So please....onegaishimasu~

Secondly, YES you can be an anon to ask or leave a comment. just don't start thinking bad about me before you know the real truth.   :)

Lastly, THANKS FOR READING! <3 

p/s: if this, getting out of control, imma start putting that scary traffic thing on my blog and I'll caught you stalking here in no time. dakara...yoroshiku ne?

new generation fans

Uh..its been on my mind for a while now

gotta let it out of my chest

before its too late.

(Taeyang - intro Naman Bara bwa)

Oh hey.I needed place to rants as usual. Avoiding controversies if I let this out publicly , I've choose to keep it hidden in my blog that I believe most people in real life won't find this shit forever. There's no way on earth I'm gonna put my blog link at any place at all...meh~ blog is not some kind of popularity contest like *cough*tumblr*cough*or place to gain public interest on you,like *cough*attention whore*cough*. I'm doing this for the sake of improving my writing skill and keeping online journals so that one day when I'm sick,old and forgetful , this will remind me of past events in my life. I'm doing this for myself and once I'm good enough I'll start ranting on LJ , most people on LJ are a good writer.. I'm hoping to be one someday.

(I'm not in the mood, so my choice of words are a lil bit harsher. gomen)

I started off with kpop few years ago way before kpop is the it-thing in Malaysia. Way before people thing kpop is cool, it was the time when people thought it was gay.ewwwww. Ya, back then. Frankly, I wouldn't stop/downgrading/cutting down  fangirling on korean boys if it wasn't because of the new generation of fans. Fans nowadays are ignorant and stupid, all they wanna do is protecting their oppa no matter what, bashing other fandoms and have zero. null respect on talent. No matter how crappy their oppa songs are they will just LOVE it. Biased much? ok.hell. I don't care. And I don't have time hating on you,trolls anymore. I'm worthy and I'm gonna stay classy, bitches. at least, I get into the fandoms way earlier rather than people who followed the trend and suddenly act all superior-oh-i-know-it-all. Screw you. I don't care.e.e.e.e.

I moved on, leaving the new trend of kpop fandoms , urm. not leaving completely though, I'm still following few groups, silently. I'd rather be a silent lurker on kpop rather than be one of the pathetic fans who think they are protecting the boys by participating in fan wars on allkpop . Again, I'm not going down dirty, fan wars are meaningless.. Bitches, prz stay classy.

s.t.e.f.a.n

I think 9/10 of people that watched Vampire Diaries would prefer Damon Salvatore than Stefan..It is something that I can easily understand.. Damon is hot, he's a bad vampire . he killed people without mercy. he drink blood all the time.. girls will go awwww~ he's hot~ omg~ Damon please just kill me~ohhhh~ ya that kind of reaction. But why? why do I choose to be on Team Stefan rather than Damon and to be honest, I never once fall for Damon hotness. I'm a sucker for a nice vampire.period. no kidding ok? I mean, don't u think having a nice vampire by your side is 10 million times better than having a jerk but hot vampire that might as well killed you while you're sleeping. urgh. that would be scary ~ Being with Stefen is rather... easy~ there's no need to be scared or whatsoever, he's kind and protective. LOL. you may think I'm outta my mind, but I'm talking about a vamp here, not a real guy.If I were to choose a guy..I will forever go for a hottie~ :D 

but I would love to have a nice-but-not-so-hot-boyfriend rather than a-hot-boyfriend-but-he-treat-me-like-trash . Yes. like you Stefen. but can you please try not to cry in any scene??~ your crying expression will either make me LOL or cringes~

never ending fan wars. YAY! LOVE it

So i was visiting allkpop today and im like woaaaah~ massive fan wars going on here. Sometimes, I just don't get the stupid-blinded-perhaps-deaf-like- super-bias-kind of fans.. they are just not rational at all.
Let me talk about some of the hot issues.

Music industry representatives highly disapprove of such actions, arguing that they are doing nothing but manipulating the digital music charts and distorting the true reflection of the industry. These actions leave artists without stronger fanbases behind and make it unlikely for them to enter the ranking charts at all. 

(Excerpt from:   http://www.allkpop.com/2010/10/do-idol-fanclubs-manipulate-and-distort-music-rankings ) 

IMO, kpop nowadays is all about fan base. If you put it in a hypothesis writing techniques that I learn in high school..it will sounds like this:

The larger the amount of crazy fan girls that the group have, the higher their ranking in music charts. Therefore, there isn't any need of talents at all..or even good music production..cause that doesn't count anymore. No matter how sucks they sing, its forgivable..as long as they are hot..so girls can't stop fantasizing about them. As long as they are good at dancing, or can dance sexily making the fan girls go UNF..it doesn't matter if their real voices are forever unheard, recording voices are apparently good enough to sell their album. Plus, half naked body with abs really help to boost up their popularity.

Popularity > Talents

Obviously, delusional fan girls doesn't care about music, all they care about is helping the boys to get to #no 1 spot in music charts , no matter how bad the song is.. So, good song doesn't count anymore..popularity is..

and they go "what manipulate chart?" "pfffftttt..its called supporting our boys..." "..our money..our choice..." You can promote these “talented” artist for all you want, but you cannot force the public to love them.”  

OMG. just how inspirational these girls are! Fighting owkey? lets make history together..let the worst song of the year win forever. YAY! :) So what happen to talent, quality and professionalism then? *flush down the toilets* end of story. who cares?

 That's why i love kpop..crazy fans are crazy :) 

*note: in case you are stupid enough to notice, I'm just being sarcastic here.xoxo*

OH DON'T GET ME WRONG..THE PICTURE IS JUST FOR DECORATION

 ;)

MA.GI.KA

MAGIKA IS THE BEST MALAY MOVIE THAT I EVER WATCHED.

and I'm not even being sarcastic here. I mean it, with all my heart.

Great cinematography, awesome casts, realistic CGI, catchy songs 

IT WAS PERFECT 

and I'm super impressed  !

Honestly, I was watching without any expectation..well, it was for free anyway..haha :D my cousins and her family was going on family outing, and i tag along.

Haven't watch Malay movies in cinema for ages.(honestly) At first I was like *yawning* even before the movie started, thought I was going to fall asleep during the first half of the movie. Turn out, I didn't sleep at all... 

it was fun..!!

the stupid Pak Pandir, cute Bawang Puteh & Bawang Merah, Puteri Gunung Ledang becoming a fat anak dara tua (obviously after turning down Sultan Melaka proposal.HAHA) , vogue Nenek Kebayan, Mahsuri who didn't even speak Malay, perverted Orang Minyak, Hang Tuah & his friends (Im glad to see the mini SENARIO reunion), Dragon legend in Tasik Chini

Malay folk tales all together

bring back memories:)

Now..IM GONNA SUPPORT KRU FILM PRODUCTION coz they are awesome & Yusry is still single!

their next project is 

HIKAYAT MERONG MAHAWANGSA 

THE MALAY CHRONICLES: BLOODLINES 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiwsYOZeHFo

 

 

What a girl want

As a girl, it would've been a total lie if I said I don't care about being pretty.

Inner beauty is another thing, I mean appearance wise.. who doesn't wanna look great?

But I'm certainly not admiring people who wears thick make up. no offense. but I don't like the idea of make up, it was like hiding your nature. like if you have a zit, then you have a zit. no biggie. so,why cover? hurmm. Well, its not like wearing make up is illegal though..some people just overdo their make up, to a point that their skin color is not even, (some part of their body is whiter or darker.that is so called not even skin tone)... ewww, kowaii.kowaii.. ya, rather than choosing to be a girl with a great make up skill, I wanna be a girl who actually have a good skin. y'know..(having a good skin so my boyfriend won't freaks out when he see the no-make up me.loljk.sorry)

 

 Sandara Park skin is just flawless. with or without make up.*envy*

(note: Sandara Park is on the left. I purposely choose this picture cause I love Se7en oppa & Minzy too..kyaaa~)

 

I wanna weigh 40 kg. You ain't heard me wrong..I really wanna weigh just 40kg. screw under weight, screw not being healthy.. Even Ohno's weight was once 40kg, he's a guy. Sandara Park current weight is 40kg too. I love skinny people. I know, some may think its wrong to be skinny..but all I want is having a body that I'm comfortable with. Honestly, I'm not comfortable with my figure now and its depressing. Not all skinny people are beautiful,i admit, some even look like a walking stick..(hahahaha :DD ) skinny girls with skinny legs, perfect curves, flat stomach = PERFECTION !

 

  Just like Nana (after school). she's PERFECT!

 putting more pictures just make me suffer *sigh* 

(2nd pic: after school members and last pic: victoria justice)

Now, all I ever want is a flawless skin and a great skinny figure. IS IT TOO MUCH THAT I'M ASKING FOR?

 

JYJ thingy

JYJ Malaysia fan meeting I bid you, goodbye! 

I can't make it to JYJ fan meeting...(or in other word,I decided not to go) I'm still a student though I don't have that much money or rather I can't spend a lot on fangirling (my mom would kill me if she knows I've been to SS2 Concert & Beast fan signing events behind her back , plus using her money. She will most likely commit homicide . owkey may be she won't go overboard, it was just my wild imagination.HAHA. but still ~ I can't risk being killed, so I won't kiss-and-tell forever.sorry mom.It won't happen again. I swear) now, comeback to JYJ thingy. First, I don't have the money. Second, I'm on holidays..not in KL. I choose to stay at home a lil bit longer than going back early to meet JYJ. 

(note:for reader who's not a kpop maniac JYJ is Jejung-Yoochun-Junsu. TVXQ without Yunho & Changmin. The 3 gorgeous boys with awesome voice. They are super famous in Japan & Korea (please google if you need more info.I'm bad at describing. sorry~)

Ok, continue. Hurmm..TVXQ is like huge ok? They are the BEST KPOP IDOL GROUP FOREVER , although I'm a Big Bang stan but fact is fact so, yeah..they are the best. I'm not going to be hypocrite here. I mean, just because they are huge and then suddenly came to Malaysia, I ain't gonna scream & admit I'm the biggest fan. Truth is I'm not. I still like Yoochun, he's my bias but if you ask me how many JYJ or TVXQ song that I know, I prolly just said five. Yes, I watched few of their concert clips and I know lots about them... I guess.. You can't help it if your sister is Jejung's self proclaimed wife. And honestly, they are good..... no beyond good, they are great but I don't have much interest on them. No. I'm not saying this cause to make me feel better~ I'm just being honest.

P/S : yoochun ah~ chwesonghamnida (screw correct spelling as long as it sounded the same or as long as Yoochun know what I mean when he read this someday) I'm gonna meet you guys next time. Always keep the faith yo! saranghae <3