this is goodbye

I subbed Arashi My Girl (clips from Arashi Scene Tour DVD), its not really my favorite song..its just what I think the best song describing my feeling right now. So, if you are family (who stumble upon my blog or got the link from my fb page ) and friends (in real life or online friends, in just any  sort of way that we are connected).. THIS SONG IS DEDICATED TO YOU! :)

To my family (if anyone of you are reading)... leaving really got me thinking..about a lot thing..I kept having these random flashbacks from 10 years ago. (yep, no kidding~) I know I didn't really express my self that much..I don't show concern nor talk a lot..thus, make you guys think if I really care..or will I be ok with this whole studying abroad thing..like will I ever lose myself over culture shock..yknow~ that sort of thing.

Insya Allah, I will be fine..I am more grounded than you think I am..if my love life is your main concern..HERE,LET ME MAKE IT CLEAR,ONCE AND FOR ALL, I DO NOT HAVE BOYFRIEND NOR ROMANTICALLY INVOLVE WITH ANY BOYS FOR LIKE 3 YEARS AND COUNTING..so don't worry,I am only focusing on my study...I don't think I'm gonna give up my single-stable-happy-life and start dating any time soon..plus,its not like I'm into dating anymore, I am a FAN-GIRL..Arashi is my love life replacement (heee..btw, I show mom my Neen picture folder in my lappy..mom think Neen is 22 years old *proud* he's 28 btw!)

Ok,back to my point..Secondly, BUKA TUDUNG issue..(omg.this!)I purposely ruin my hair..I cut it short few days before leaving (more like, I got myself a boy hair cut...twas bad and I look ugly) just to put my mom's mind at ease..mother, with these bad haircut..I won't even dare showing it off publicly *cries* and I did it for you.

And,I will remember all the advices from everyone...

Lastly,please stay closely in touch. 

I'm on twitter a lot...so tweet me..or just fb wall me (don't worry, I'm lurking on fb all the time..I just don't update much) or skype me or email me (yes, I love emails,I'm old fashion like that!) or leave a msg on tumblr...

bottom line, feel free to stalk me, whichever way that you may... :P

xoxo. Take care!^^

still depressed

I thought I'm gonna be okey, but I'm not. Still stressing out. My head is about to explode. 
I'm lost in my own thought...Reality hit me and it's hitting me hard.
Few days ago, I received an email from Cal Poly, regarding registration for mandatory orientation.
11 August! I have to be there before 11 August for orientation. 
Everything else was settled and I'm good to go,except that I'm still waiting for my MARA agreement.
As the orientation date drawing closer, I'm scared as hell..
what if I didn't get MARA?
what am I gonna do?
I do not have a back up plan,I'm serious about going to Cal Poly and only Cal Poly..


I don't know who else can I talk to..
Mom, as much as I love her, I knew how much mom wanna say 'You're making the biggest mistakes in your life! You should've just continue studying at local public university like everyone else..' 
It will breaks me if I ever heard that words from her.
Shera. I tried writing on her LJ inbox several times.. but I don't know...
I can't seems to produce a line..constantly writing & deleting..
She's younger than me yet I have this impression of her being more mature than me...
Esfarina. 'Cal Poly' thingy, isn't our favorite subject...
We always avoid talking about it, its stressful and required deep thinking..
Es and I..we were never good at yknow~ this kind of stressful stuff..
in the end of the day,we gonna just end up KPOP-ing..

(not mine,credits on picture)

Shabu shabu ikimasu...~~~ヾ(＾∇＾)

I went out with my little brother yesterday. 

My ulterior motive was to personally checked now showing movies at Star Cineplex Miri...

just in case..just in case..(not that I'm hoping or anything...~)

GANTZ is available here..

but no~ worst case scenario..

THE WHOLE CINEMA WAS CLOSE..under construction, I supposed （￣へ￣）

heh! I'm just wasting my time..

and I was like...'eeehhh? dou shiyou?' (what should I do?)

I asked Akim if he had any plan or specific things to do and he said no..

so we're like..let's just eat something & we both agreed to try eating at the new Shabu Shabu outlet..

ShaShaki (the new shabu shabu outlet) !( ^_^)／ 

yaaaaa~ I love the interior design of ShaShaki..it was so Japanese..

but then,

this was my first time eating Shabu Shabu..Akim was a first timer too

so,owkey I have to admit, we both were clumsy..and blurred..

thank god,I've watched Arashi eating Shabu Shabu on Shukudaikun..

so, we're good..（￣ー￣） I know how to make the dipping sauce.(at least)

Yokatta desu!~

I didn't taste the shiitake mushroom though,cause the texture..urmm..

looks weird...

but I ate plenty of enoki mushroom.. cho umai!! (seriously delicious!)

its a lunch buffet,they gave us 1 hour 15 min to just eat anything..as much as we can..

but Akim & I were already feeling bloated and full after 30 minutes~

*sigh* I guess... buffet weren't meant for people with small tummy like us...

one of the waiter was actually telling us to eat more..

sorry kak, WE JUST CAN'T!

See..that's already a loads for me to handle~ （－－）

Then, I just gave up eating & shamelessly selca-ing.. HAHAHA ( ^ _ ^)

MAN I LOOK SO CHUBBY NOW （ToT）guess all the fat goes to my face cause I'm still 46kg though,only chubbier..

plus dead eyes ..

plus bare face..

gaaaah...(ーー;) why am I like this? I look..............weird ne?

just had to add his gif!
DON'T JUDGE ME,NEEN

TADAIMA ! :)

(Tadaima means I'm back in Japanese)

Someone should really said 'Okaeri'(welcome back) to me right now!:)

WATS UP PARTY PEOPLE!!!! ( copying Sho chan act in Arashi concert) I'm finally home...urmm..I thought of blogging about my four days trip but.....I'm delaying that (haven't finish writing so its on hold in my draft). Yknow~my cousin told me there's a free wifi in our kampung..so, I was like super excited and proud of our kampung super fast development.oh yeaaaaahhh, I even told mom if there really is wifi, I'll stay in kampung for awhile but duuuuuuuuuuuuhhh~ I shouldn't have fall for that.. wifi in kampung is a pure myth.FULL STOP. meh~ the only thing welcoming us there was water supply problems..No water for two freaking days..I was like 'are you kidding me?' *sigh* *sigh* *sigh* That very evening after arriving, we traveled to Lawas town (it took almost one hour from our kampung) just for bathing and doing laundry. Imagine sharing one bathroom with 16 people (yeah. 16. our family and my cousin's family together) huh. It was chaos. Chaotic enough that when I was eating my mee maggi, it got spilled and I end up with none. Eating nothing. Chaotic enough that Abg Jijul actually had to go out twice buying satay cause its not enough for all of us. Not mentioning all the kids noises and fight.(Yes.there's a lot of kids) Its a nightmare. Enough said.

will elaborate on that later. I have loads of catching up to do (with fangirling stuff of course) I'm done back reading LJ. There's tons of updates. Tons of stuff to download. Oh ya, NEWS LIVE! LIVE !LIVE ! DVD is out, I have to hurried download before the links dead. Arashi is still No 1 in most yearly charts except for Oricon yearly singles..they came third after AKB48.....a bit frustrating (cause I'm obviously ...Arashi stan) but its understandable, Beginner was epic and Arashi been releasing six so-so singles throughout the year but still sell half a million for each single :) Oh I gtg..allkpop waiting :)

 

Alone

its 5.42am. Farah went back to KL today. It was sad, waking up and realizing the room was so empty....it used to be so packed and messy with our stuff.. when I woke up today,only my stuff left and hers gone.... ;___; when I woke up today, the bed was mine alone, no one was sleeping beside me. ;___;  I should get ready by now, mom suddenly decided to go back to Lawas...so ya, we'll be leaving in about an hour. This will be my first time, heading back to our hometown without Farah...I don't know what I'm suppose to feel.. ;_____;  The 5 hours trip always so fun when she's around....but not today. ;___; Not very mature of me, but ....I hate getting used to something and felt lonely when its gone.

im on hols!

How I spend my days :)

6am- Mom will enter my room, wake me up & telling me stuff that I need to do when she's at work.(i was half asleep,mom..how do u even expect me to listen?)

7:30am- my brother knocked on my door, asking me to lock the door..and he's off to work 

9am- finally woke up and realize I'm home alone. (YAY) then, i do chores.. (list of chores : laundry, dishes, floor cleaning)

1030am- Mom called (note: this happen every day, almost at the exact same time. MY MOM IS AWESOME), asking me to cook for lunch..( there's a time when I told mom, I was too lazy to cook, if that happen..dad will buy us lunch.hoho~)

12pm- *cooking for lunch*.. (note: i can cook, doesn't mean I'm good at it, I'm a horrible slow cooker.so, mom have to like told me what to do.step by step. or I'll just google the recipe )

1pm- mom, dad & my brothers came home.

4pm- watching some Nickelodeon shows :)

630pm (sharp ok?) - its our CINTA KIRANA time. LOL. fo real ok? mom & I won't missed it. Akim won't missed it either. HAHA. Lame (i know!)

730pm - ironing my brother's school uniforms (last chores of the day!)

800pm - FREE TIME. YAY! watching tv or just on9-ing in my room .. plus downloading stuff..AND SLEEP

I'm not even kidding ok? This is real life! ~i don even know why I'm sharing this..

i miss my ojiisan

I know this is random but suddenly, i miss him so much...I didn't remember having a talk with him..all I do every year was going back to his house for Hari Raya.. stayed there for few hours and went back to my mom's okasaan house.... we were never really close with dad's relatives.. I don't even know why but I guess, its just the way things are....

~my ojisan~

dear grandpa,
im sorry for all these year..all I do was looking at you with a blank stare and not saying a word..I wanted to talk to you ..I really do..but the words just stuck in my head.I wanted to hug you and told you how much I miss you but I'm just bad & too embarrassed to show my real feeling towards you. I love you and I've been thinking about you a lot.. I wonder why we rarely met..I wonder why my parent's rarely brought us to your house..I wonder about lots of things. Sometimes, I felt like going back to your house and stayed there but I don't have a good reason to do so.. It'll be awkward and weird if I suddenly show up at your door. I miss you.. I'll pray for your health grandpa. Please stay healthy so we can meet again next year!
Though I never say it to your face..I hope you know
how much I LOVE YOU