He's married

*warning: A VERY PERSONAL POST*

H (not a real name) is married and I'm,apparently the last person on earth to know (may be not, cause I told Farah about it and that made her the last person on earth, I'm just the second last.oh whateves..who cares) He is now someone's wedded husband...no biggie.. he's just getting married, having a wife now..should I congratulate him? Should I text him now..? or send him fb msg at least?

'Hi, H. sorry I didn't get the invitation, so I didn't know cause no one says a damn thing about your wedding and today your twin saw me on fb chat and he says hi..and I'm like 'oh crap,I don't even know who you are why bother saying hi' so to not make me look bad like a bad guy, I click on his page to know who he is and that's when I saw your wedding pictures..and sure~..it hit me by surprised..but its not like I'm having a heart attack or anything, I'm still breathing, no worries..pffttt..and what more surprising is the fact that you block my fb.Anyway, whatever it is between us, the congratulations stays and I mean it with all my heart. Goodbye, H~ '

Now,proceed to my rants. 

GOD. WHY? WHY DIDN'T HE SAYS ANYTHING? HE'S MARRIED SINCE APRIL 4 AND I'M LIKE TWO MONTHS LATE? I remember him sending me his last fb msg, that was on March 2011. March 2011! Why? getting married to someone is big..you can't just forgot telling me when you have all the time in the world to send me fb msg 'Hi Fatin. Apa ktk polah?!!' 'Apa kmk polah???!!! Screw what I'm doing, you should've said 'Hi, Fatin.I'm getting married...surprise~surprise~ huh? would you mind coming.?' I'm supposed to throw you confetti and replied ' OMG. Yes. I'm not gonna miss it for the world.Congratulations!' That would be the most normal thing to do, not hiding your marriage and blocking my fb. Like that would work? Pffttt..(it worked and last for two months actually)..thanks to your twin brother, I now know about the 'wedding' that you're trying to hide.

We were not really friends, I know. We were sort of involved emotionally..? feelingly?I don't know..our history.. It's complicated ..I get it. You fall in love with me when you're 15 and I'm 17 with a boyfriend. We had an affair, sort of..I don't remember, I lost my boyfriend along the way but you were there (literally) the whole time. We were not in contact for quite sometimes but somewhere somehow we just found each other back (or should I say,you find me, you always find me) And I know I'm always complicated after the 'break up' thing..But you, when you said the L word to me..I believed you. I sincerely believed you, your feeling..I appreciate it..I really do. I'm happy every time you send me a msg, just enough to remind me how much you still care, how much you still remember me.. /sigh 

I don't blamed you for not telling me about your wedding, I deserved this, after giving you cold shoulder for the countless time. I deserved to felt forgotten or unimportant..we were done right? You gave up. I always wonder when will you finally give up on me like any other guys that I ignored every time they tried.

H, I'm sorry for not returning any of your calls, I'm sorry for hardly replying your text. I'm sorry for not replying your msg on fb. I'm sorry for ignoring you, it's a bad habit of mine. I'm just used to ignoring guys and being cold. Lastly, if you ever wonder my feeling towards you..honestly, daisuki desu..I like you a lot. When I was 17, I thought you were such a cool guy and yes, you did make me wavered a bit..but that was way back when I was 17. I'm 21 now. Things are bound to change but I never forget you..not that I always remember you, I still do sometimes.. I'm happy every time you send me a msg on fb but I never reply, don't ask me why cause I did that to all the guys too.. I guess I'm just not ready to let my guard down. Anyway, I hope you gonna be happy for the rest of your life with your Mrs H. :)

Sincerely

-me-

(with the hope that you will never read this,cause I want you to hate me for ignoring you,I want you to remember me as a cold girl and hate me..it's easier cooler that way..)

P/S:I hate me and my ego forever.)